Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she was so not down for the gang bang
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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