WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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