Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
