He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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