living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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