I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
