its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my poor anus
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
