I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
