The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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