Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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