The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
