Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have fence marks all over my body
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
