You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
