I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Everything about him screamed your future.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
