Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
