I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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