youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Im part way to drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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