how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
