Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
