So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
