At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
