Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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