i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
