She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
