You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
