Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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