He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
