i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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