Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
