Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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