The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
