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he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
