I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
