I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
