I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
