Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
