you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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