Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
