i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
