why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
