Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
