Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
