u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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