Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
