So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
