I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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