You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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