Your tits are I can't wait for
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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