oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
