can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
