She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
