when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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