I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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