I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
