You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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