Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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