Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
