So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish you could order shots online.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
