i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
